Gossp Columnist freaks out as his Reality Check Bounces

Katies Holmes ran the entire NY City Marathon, and this gossip columnist is totally freaking out.

You can see plenty of photos here documenting the event.

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Remember when Katie Holmes was mysteriously pregnant for 26 months, then the next thing we knew, she and Tom appeared in Vanity Fair for a huge black-and-white spread with really bombastic quotes about parenthood, and we all pretty much gave up on facts?

It felt like some elaborate 9/11 conspiracy was occurring that somehow involved secret baby black markets and after everything went down, none of us believed that Tom simply had sex with Katie and produced a natural offspring, but also couldn’t possibly fathom what kind of conspiracy had to have occurred for them to pull off the event.

My point is, reading that Katie Holmes ran the entire New York City Marathon then posed for photos and attended the premiere of Tom’s movie “Lions For Lambs” strikes me as another one of those moments. How can this story be true?

How could Katie — who in some circles is rumored to be pregnant — have had the time to get into phenominal running shape in “two months” while attending to a one-year-old child, run the entire marathon, then glowingly appear in photos right at the finish line?

On the other hand, though, how can this story be made up? If she didn’t actually run the whole marathon, wouldn’t some gossip reporter immediately uncover photos of her in a cab during the marathon and break the scandal?

What level of Big-Brother, Bush-administration conspiracy theory, post-apocalyptic-sci-fi novel media control must this couple possess to dupe us into believing this story just as we still believe that Suri is an organic human who actually exists?

Have Tom and Katie completely destroyed our ability to skeptically filter gossip news? Or are we just being too cynical about two actual events that had to have truthfully occurred? Or is this indeed some elaborate underground plot, just as 9/11 was secretly the work of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?

I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m just gonna go buy Katie some flowers for her second baby shower.

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I can just imagine this guys' head exploding.

Cognitive dissonance indeed.